"I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty."

"Do you fall in love often?”

“Yes often. With a view, with a book, with a dog, a cat, with numbers, with friends, with complete strangers, with nothing at all."

"Some people say home is where you come from. But I think it’s a place you need to find, like it’s scattered and you pick pieces of it up along the way."

"And I understand. I understand why people hold hands: I’d always thought it was about possessiveness, saying ‘This is mine’. But it’s about maintaining contact. It is about speaking without words. It is about I want you with me and don’t go."

"…and the weight of the earth is pressed to my ribs."

"Call me at 4 am, and tell me it’s because you want to hear my voice."

"I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

"Everyone wants to be the sun to lighten up everyone’s life, but why not be the moon, to brighten in the darkest hour."

My dad recently told me, “There are many people who will put you down. Don’t be one of them.”

"Sometimes you just gotta accept that some people can only be in your heart, not in your life."

"Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there’."

you know what’s fucked up? that you can be without someone for six months, a year, five years and have mastered not thinking about them, but no matter how much time passes there will always be that moment where you see a photo of them or catch a little of their cologne on a crowed street and suddenly you’re plagued with a rapidly sinking stomach and the relentless question, “what did i do wrong?”

"You learn more about a person at the end of a relationship than at the beginning."

"You can never completely know anyone, no matter how well you think you do. There will always be some truth about them you don’t ever get to know."

"And after that, I somehow just stopped checking my phone for your name to appear."

"Be with someone who would drive five hours, just to see you for one."

To Valerie

Memoirs of a Single-Man - Live Journal

People have asked, on more occasions than I’d care to remember, if I’ve ever tried to win her back. As if in some primeval competition, she was the trophy to be won and displayed on the living room shelf.

But then again, I’ve never considered myself a competitive man, and have lately found myself with too little space to spare for trophies. But people ask anyway, and prod me on the romantic epic that is my supposed attempt at trying to ‘win her back’.

So ‘no’, I tell them, ‘I’ve never tried’. And with a bat of an eyelash and abrupt change of topic, I silently signal to move on, and steer the conversation elsewhere.

I used to think about it, that much I’m willing to admit. Or at least entertain the idea of trying something, anything, to give things a second run. And during the first month since her leaving, I tried to convince myself that it was all some wicked misunderstanding, some petty form of bickering that was taken the wrong way. And so I waited for her to come around, to call me in the middle of the night, and tell me – well, that everything was all right. In the end, I found myself staring at my ceiling, waiting for a phone call that never came.

By the time the first month slowly turned into the second, into the third and into the fourth, I had finally gotten wind that she had begun to see someone new. And it was then that I realized that whatever opportunity was left to bring her around was now quickly dashed away. She was with someone else now, I thought, and I thanked what was left of my own sanity for not letting me ruin that.

Looking back at things, however, I wonder if anything could’ve been different. If, only sooner, I would’ve swallowed my pride and told her the truth – that I missed her – and that all I really wanted to do was to call her and tell her that everything was all right. And that maybe all it would’ve taken was a gallon of ice cream with just enough chocolate, and me, standing in front of her door all dressed up to say three fateful words: that I still do.

But then, I remember, that she had left me.

People ask if I’ve ever tried winning her back, as if she was ever mine to win. Women aren’t trophies, and it’s only one of the greatest of ironies that it’s mostly women who forget that. We parted under terms that I now imagine could have – should have – been better, but I guess when you fall out as hard as that, the cuts on your knees are bound to be deep. For me to have tried something, anything, would’ve been like trying to breathe life into a dead corpse. And looking back at what was left, even a corpse had more life than what we had.

The grand misconception, it seems, is that love is the art of winning someone over. It is viewed as a competition, a contest, a challenge, an almost medieval proving of worth. But then, if I’ve ever learned anything, it is that love is acceptance. And just as you accept her for everything that she is, so should she also accept you for everything that you are. As for me, I accepted early on that our time was over, it had passed, and despite everything, it was great. A lot of my friends have seen my failure to ‘win her back’ as a cowardly surrendering, when in my mind, it was simply a painful way of accepting. I never believed in getting back together, in cool-offs, and time-outs.

I never believed in space and time and those other things you supposedly lose when you fall in love. I never believed in second chances, second takes, and second cuts. Life isn’t a movie you can edit in premiere. At least, not mine.

At the end of the day, acceptance becomes a form of carrying on. And when she told me she didn’t love me, I knew, I didn’t need to hear that a second time.

To Gracey...

Sad that you’re not here but happy that you’re somewhere.

“No matter how you feel… Get up. Dress up. Show up. And never give up.”

"Where exactly do you put your hands on somebody who hurts everywhere?"

"you told me your scars were symbolic,

i told you mine were too

but really, i was just mad at the world,

mad at myself,

and mad at you"

written by Norah Galea

"One day someone is going to hug you so tight

That all of your broken pieces

Will stick back together"

"Because right now,

All I can do,

Is think about it over and over again…"

written by Ao Haru Ride / Aoharaido

"Sometimes suffering is just suffering. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t build character. It only hurts."

written by Kate Jacobs, Comfort Food

"Kinda pointless to fight for what you want when what you want continues to break your heart."

“Tired” isn’t even a temporary state for me anymore it’s just an inherent part of my personality at this point.

One night,

I will wake up at three AM

And I will roll over

Into your arms.

You will rub my back

Until I fall back to sleep.

I will wait for that.

"I used to call people, then I got into e-mailing, then texting, and now I just ignore everyone."

written by The New Yorker 

"She felt happy these days, yet there was always an undercurrent of sadness just below the surface."

written by Diane Chamberlain, The Lost Daughter

"Sometimes, when you’re sad you don’t know what to do, it helps to be angry. But then the tears come back again all the same, and you fall asleep with the salty taste of them on your lips."

written by Cornelia Funke, Inkheart 

"I crave space. It charges my batteries. It helps me breathe. Being around people can be so exhausting, because most of them love to take and barely know how to give. Except for a rare few."

"We loved with a love that was more than love."

i smoked three cigarettes

at the bus stop this morning

to keep my hands busy

i said ill get better soon

and im trying to actually

mean it this time

"I always find myself caught between saying too much and not saying enough"

"I used to think I was tough, but then I realized I wasn’t. I was fragile and I wore thick fucking armor. And I hurt people so they couldn’t hurt me. And I thought that was what being tough, but it isn’t."

"People change and forget to tell each other."

"Maybe when we die, the first thing we’ll say is, ‘I know this feeling. I was here before.’"

written by Don DeLillo, White Noise

"There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love."

written by Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

"I always find myself caught between saying too much and not saying enough"

"It’s when you hide things that you choke on them."

"But things work out, you know? Even if it doesn’t feel okay for a long time, or even if it feels like things will never be okay again, everything works out in the end."

written by Lauren Morrill, Meant to Be

"Roam if you must but come home when you’ve seen enough."

Stay strong, love! :)