two years ago..

 

two year ago, things were hard for me. i had suffered depression for months and with people around me didn't seem to help. i was out of college and unemployed. i had to depend on my brothers who I know are having a hard time themselves. i was an instant burden to bear actually. i would spend my time watching TV and spend my night staring at the ceiling. sleep and i were having issues as well during these times. for people who didn't know I had to leave my hometown and live with my brothers which somehow brought me to this situation. i have always loved it there and i have no plans in leaving. but i had to. i avoided my phone. i avoided the computer. i avoided everyone. in this new home, i had no friends. hell i don't go outside. i was just there. just there...

what do you think?

it's you

And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you never gave up hope.

Love The Way You Lie (Joseph Vincent) (Eminem ft. Rihanna) Cover

[Joseph Vincent]

Always thought you and I were perfect

I could tell you from the start

Thought you were gonna be my man, but then you left tore me apart

And now you're gone

You ain't by my side, got me askin' questions

Cause everything we were was all a lie

When were you gonna tell me

oh how you feel

Why you gotta wait so long to tell me it was all unreal

[Me]

Everyday I sat by just waiting,

For you to come back home

But then i saw you with a girl

Broke my heart, and left me cold

Seems so unreal,

Can't grasp this thought, couldn't sleep at all last night

Cause just realized it was all a lie

When were you gonna tell me

Just how you feel

Left me for someone else and here i am caught up in tears

being less than more than friends.

Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that. It’s a lie. It’s just something that people say they’ll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, said ‘friendly’ relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it’s like breaking up all over again. But messier.

My Life As It Is

 

The romantics would call this a love story, the cynics would call it a tragedy. In my mind it’s a little bit of both, and no matter how you choose to view it in the end, it does not change the fact that it involves a great deal of my life and the path I’ve chosen to follow.

How did you end up?

Funny how many times we started sentences with “When I grow up..” when we were little, only to grow up into people we never really thought of becoming at all.

Life does that—turns us into people we never even thought we’d end up as.
Guess we won’t grow up as princes and princesses after all. We only end up as plain men and women who continually try to make a difference in this world.

 

“I love how you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something. There’s not a day when I don’t miss those rude interruptions.” 

—	Last Kiss, Taylor Swift

Once In A Lifetime by Freestyle

Been thinkin bout ya baby
And I dont know what to do
All I think about is you
Seems everything around me
Things I've never understood
They all make sense when I'm with you.

Oh, I've heard it all before
Finding so called love then you leave it behind
But now I feel so sure
I listen to my heart this time
(So I lay it on the line/ put my heart before my mind//

I know that what I've found is once in a lifetime
(and) I know there's no way out
Coz its once in a lifetime

I've always been so lonely
No one there for me to hold
And every night was just so cold
Oh don't get me wrong i've been around
But i've resigned myself to thinking
Mine is just another story often told

It's not like im runnin' outta
I'm takin' everything in stride
It's just i never thought i'd find
what would make me change my mind

Be better.

It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change, when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and you want to move on, but you’re stuck right where you started. When feeling’s come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say, but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them further and further away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be, and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same again. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

Fulfillment

"When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on—series polygamy—until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter."

THIS

 

A man for some reason do not get this.

Undo

 

 We are all unkind from time to time. We all do things we desperately wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it’s like chasing clouds."

To: My Number One Fan

The time I told you about updating this blog, I know like me you too, were very excited. You have always read everything I post online. You have always been very supportive and for that, among others, I love you.

We have been together for almost seven (7) months already and so far, no arguments have affected us in anyway. I know there were times when both of us were being stubborn only because one wants the other to remind that we are fighting for a love we deserve. You had me at my worst, and you still see me impressively beautiful. You had me at the ugliest face I can ever show and yet, I remain to be your number one crush.

Everything happened fast, not to mention very convenient for you. We might have rushed things. We might have overreacted. We thought for a second may be we were just lonely and bored and we enjoyed each other's presence. However above and over these things, we know we felt love for one another. A love we want. A love we dreamed of. And we both gave in six (6) months ago... and i know i made the right decision to let you in despite it all.

These past few weeks, people became a problem for us, to you most especially. You were jealous and thought I was giving in. You distrusted me. and at some point considered me flirt. I understand that maybe at a man's point of view, I was flirting but truly I was just being friendly. However, no matter how hard I explained, still it remained as a problem. 

I love you so screw them. I'd rather have no friends than not having you at all. Someone reminded me not to give you everything and reserve something for myself like a backbone. I tried just in case, but I can't. You were everything. I tell you everything. I do everything you want.

Last night before retiring to bed, you asked me how much of my love is left? I don't know exactly. What I do know, is the love I felt from that first day is the same love i am feeling as I speak. I love you. and I shall see you soon.

Eventually, you'll forget it all..

First, you forget everything you learned - the dates of wars and Pythagorean theorem. You especially forget everything you didn’t really learn, but just memorized the night before. You forget the names of all but one or two of your favorite teachers; and eventually you forget those, too.

You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit, and your best friend’s home phone number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times.

And eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations - even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away. You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not. Who went to a good college, who threw the best parties, who had the most friends - you forget all of them.

Even the ones you said you loved, and the ones you actually did. They’re the last to go. And once you’ve forgotten enough, you love someone else.

come to think of it.

No one ever marries their first love anymore. There is just too much else to do. Too many options. Always looking for the next best thing, when it is usually the first best thing that was the best thing all along.

Contrary to what you believe

I didn't run away from you because I want you to go after me or chase me, silly. There are times a girl leaves simply because she wants to get as far away from that person as possible.

Sinners and Saints

It’s not always that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys. Sinners can surprise you. And the same is true for saints. Why do we try to define people as simply good or evil? Because no one wants to admit that compassion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart and that anyone is capable of anything.

What he said

I spend 23 hours a day wondering whether we’re wrong for each other, wondering whether we’ve got the energy that we need to get through everything that we seem to get into … whether the baggage we both bring would sink a small ship. But in the 24th hour, I realize I’ve been thinking about her for 23 hours and I come back to … there’s something about her I can’t get away from. Something about her that makes me want to love her.

At the end of the day

You simply can’t make someone love you if they don’t. You must choose someone who already loves you. If you choose someone who does not love you, this is the sort of love you must want.

Father and Son

 

A father was trying to read the newspaper, but his little son kept pestering him. Finally, the father grew tired of this and tearing a page from the newspaper – one that bore a map of the world – he cut it into several pieces and handed them to his son.

‘Right, now you’ve got something to do. I’ve given you a map of the world and I want to see if you can put it back together correctly.’

He resumed his reading, knowing that the task would keep the child occupied for the rest of the day. However, a quarter of an hour later, the boy returned with the map.

‘Has your mother been teaching you geography?’ asked his father in astonishment.

‘I don’t even know what that is,’ replied the boy.

‘But there was a photo of a man on the other side of the page, so I put the man back together and found I’d put the world back together too.’

Roadblock

We spend our time trying to get to certain places on our life maps and striving to reach certain goals that have been stuck in our heads but there always seems to be some sort of a roadblock to stop us dead in our tracks.

H E L P !

This too shall pass

It's been a long time since I was last here. That is partly because I am active on other sites like Tumblr and Facebook that host free convenient blogging as well. But my temporary pause was mostly because there were people who successfully annoy the fuck out of me every time that I decided to lay myself low.

It has been a year already and a lot have happened, a lot have been learned, and a lot have been forgotten. But then again, a year is never enough i should say. there are still things i wish not to remember. things i wanted to erase so badly... but can't. There is nothing i can do but to carry on and remember that: this too shall pass.

Click: Treat For The Monster