The difficulty for me is that I’m interested in so many different things. I could never really imagine myself doing one thing, and I’m pretty sure that I’ll end up doing four or five different things. I want to be a Renaissance woman. I want to paint, and I want to write, and I want to act, and I want to just do everything.

--- Emma Watson

I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year. I will get a new year’s kiss this year.

I will. I will. I will.





Or maybe I wont.

It doesn’t have to be on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t have to be by the time you turn eighteen or thirty-three or fifty-nine. It doesn’t have to conform to whatever is usual. It doesn’t have to be kismet at once, or rhapsody by the third date. It just has to be. In time. In place. In spirit. It just has to be.

If you’ve ever had one of those times when you’ve clutched a pen or something else in your hand for a long time, only to look down and be surprised that you are still holding it long after your need for it had passed, you’ll understand sometimes we get so used to holding that we forget to let go.

There always has to be one person who cares just a little bit more in every relationship.

Have you ever wondered how can two hands fit so perfectly? Every line, every bone, every small detail flawlessly matched. I have. I wonder everyday how holding your hand would make me feel complete. I don’t think you’ve ever noticed, but late at night when we walk down the streets I would secretly sneak my hand next to yours, so they can accidentally meet as we speak. And I would always hope that you would take it and hold it in yours, so we could see life hand in hand. And tonight you did. You held my hand in the softest of ways, our fingers clinging gently to each others heart. We were growing happiness between our thumbs as our skin lines came together like jigsaw pieces. 

You looked at me and smiled with that crooked smile of yours which makes you so special to me. I smiled back, and put my head on your shoulder. Have you ever wondered why we wall fall in love? I have. I wonder everyday...

All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.

A Rocket To The Moon — Like We Used To

I can feel her breath as she's sleeping next to me
Sharing pillows and cold feet
She can feel my heart
Fall asleep to it's beat
Under blankets and warm sheets
If only I could be in that bed again
If only it were me instead of him

Does he watch your favorite movies
Does he hold you when you cry
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts
When you've seen it a million times
Does he sing all your music
While you dance to purple rain
Does he do all these things like I used to

14 months and 7 days ago
Oh, I know you know how we felt that night
Just your skin against the window
Oh, you took it slow
And we both know
It should have been me inside that car
It should have been me instead of him
In the dark  

Does he watch your favorite movies
Does he hold you when you cry
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts
When you've seen it a million times
Does he sing all your music
While you dance to purple rain
Does he do all these things like I used to

I know love
(I'm a sucker for that feeling)
Happens all the Time, love
(Always end up feeling cheated)
You're on my mind, love
(Oh, darling I know I'm not needed)
And that happens all the time, love

Will he love you like I loved you
Will he tell you everyday
Will he make you feel invincible with every word he'll say
Will you promise if this one's right
Don't throw it all away
Can you do all these things
Will you do all these things like we used to
Oh, like we used to 

 

"Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that," I explained, grabbing some napkins out of the dispenser."It's a lie. It's just something that people say they'll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does,and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, said 'friendly' relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it's like breaking up all over again. But messier."

- Remy Starr

..so i asked him something and all i got was excuses. are we done with the honeymoon stage?

What did it feel like, I wondered, to love someone that much? So much that you couldn't even control yourself when they came close, as if you might just break free of whatever was holding you and throw yourself at them with enough force to easily overwhelm you both. I had to wonder but Monkey clearly knew: you could see it, feel it coming off him, like a heat. I almost envied him that. Almost.

-Remy Starr, This Lullaby By Sarah Dessen

This Lullaby - Sarah Dessen

Relationships always started with that heady, swoonish period, where the other person is like some new invention that suddenly solves all life's worst problems, like losing socks in the dryer or toasting bagels without burning the edges. At this phase, which usually lasts about six weeks max, the other person is perfect. But at six weeks and two days, the cracks begin to show; not real structural damage yet, but little things that niggle and nag. Like the way they always assume you'll pay for your own movie, just because you did once, or how they use the dashboard of their car as an imaginary keyboard at long stoplights. Once, you might have thought this was cute, or endearing. Now, it annoys you, but not enough to change anything. Come week eight, though, the strain is starting to show. This person is, in fact, human, and here's where most relationships splinter and die. Because either you can stick around and deal with these problems, or ease out gracefully, knowing that at some point in the not-too-distant future, there will emerge another perfect person, who will fix everything, at least for six weeks.

- Remy Starr

imagine you and me.

lip lock. 

♥

although i know,

it hurts you

when i over react the biting..

you still love me doing it anyway.

oh hon, i am so glad i have you.

Here goes.

Four Emotional States I Am Living By: 

(or at least try to every once in a while...)

1. Happy. The basic. I will be happy with whatever I am now, with whatever I have, with whatever situation I am in. I mean there is always always always things to be thankful for, you know.
2. Understanding. To understand that the people I know and not know have their own burdens to carry. I should be kind to understand that all people have a past to forget, a present and future to face.. everybody's struggling one way or another, so be kind.
3. Patience. To have the patience to know the difference between NO and NOT NOW. there's always a right time for everything. I mean with hard work and honesty, i will get everything that i have waited for. don't you think?
4. Forgiving. Among the four, this is the most personal I say. Growing up, I tend to hold grudges against people, believing it will bring justice for me and until now, i couldn't even recognize the difference. all i know is that even if we'd become friends again somehow, I can never treat you back like I used to. But i guess not anymore, Ha! I'll try to portray a forgiving heart.

Good Luck! :)

This Lullaby - Sarah Dessen

REMY: I had no illusions about love anymore. It came, it went, it left casualties or it didn’t. People weren’t meant to be together forever, regardless of what the songs say.

You know what I think we are most afraid of? Not knowing. Not knowing whether it’s all really worth it. Not knowing if you should give up or keep fighting. Not knowing why you do the things you do; not knowing the purpose. It’s like when you’re little and you touch the stove and get burned, because you didn’t really know that it was hot. Not knowing has always hurt us, from the very beginning.

Have another drink and drive yourself home. I hope there's ice on all the roads. And you can think of me when you forget your seat belt, and again... 

when your head goes through the windshield.

If what you're asking is how I debated whether or not to love her the answer is I didn't. Not at all. It just happened. I didn't ever question it; by the time I realized what was happening, it was already done.
 

-Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby

People like it simple.

I told them all the great things about you, and there were a lot. I was up there for awhile. I didn't tell them everything, though. I left out the complicated stuff, like how it took losing you forever for me to truly find you. And how finding you turned me into someone else entirely. That's not what they came for. People want to hear that you are great. And you were great. They want to know I miss you. And i do. It's weird though, I feel like the only one who would understand this is you. Anyway, I left that all out and kept it simple. I told them I loved you just like i always have and just like i always will, and that's the truth.

Actually

Only then do I acknowledge that what I'm feeling might be true happiness. Even joy. Over the past several days, when I have felt the beginnings of this emotion tugging at my heart, it has crossed my mind that the key to happiness should not be found in a man. That an independent, strong woman should feel fulfilled and whole on her own. Those things might be true. & Without him in my life, I like to think I could have somehow found contentment. 

 

But the truth is, I feel freer with him than I ever did when I was single. I feel more myself with him than without. Maybe true love does that.

Hitch

Because that's what people do. They leap and hope to god they can fly because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down "why the hell did i jump?". But here i am, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like i can fly is you.

Happy monthsary. :)

I’ve seen so many couples being very passionate with each other. Romantics. I prefer someone I can be myself with. Someone who wouldn’t mind if I snore when I fall asleep after a tiring day, who wouldn’t see it’s stupid if I laugh out real loud when I’m happy, who wouldn’t tell me to stop being so childish when I start acting like I wan to be babied, who wouldn’t think I’m a pig if I start eating a lot all day long like I usually do, who wouldn’t think changing my outfit dozens of times before we go out is too annoying to bear, and one who wouldn’t mind it when I’m just being me—the overly talkative, bubbly and chirpy girl who usually likes to get things done her way no matter what.

Hon.

Before, my fear was being vulnerable. The ability of another human being to possibly tear apart your insides at any moment was enough to keep my running. He, however, made my insides come alive, my smile become permanent, laughter more frequent. He took away my fear and gave me hope. But more importantly, for the first time in my life, instead of wanting to run, he gave me a reason to stay.

 

good times with my honey

last night was (by far) THE best night we've had together. but i also know how i always say that after every date we have. i just feel like it, you know. we're happy like that. :)

although we planned going out sometime this weekend, we never specifically planned on going out tonight because it's a work night no play night night tonight.

but then, i couldn't hold my horses any longer because i miss him so much. i ended up leaving work early. and i never regretted doing so.
 
i love you hon. :) good times.

To the person I chose not to speak to forever

Meow. Meow.

 

I AM CAT BORED.

Status: It's Complicated.

Complicated is when you don’t know where you stand in a person’s life. It’s when you’re hanging in dead air and knowing you can be thrown off anytime. It’s when you’re like more than friends but not really, and it’s like you’re lovers when it’s really otherwise. Sometimes you would want to have never met the person at all but at the back of your mind, you’re thankful you have.

I think you do love me… or you could love me… but you’re just too stubborn and scared to admit it, because the last time you really gave your heart to someone it got broken. And I get that. I’ve been there. But somewhere along the line you gave up on the idea that you deserve to feel this way again. But you don’t see what I see Brooke. You deserve this. So I’m gonna try one more time. I love you. I’m in love with you. I’m so lost and completely in love with you. I have been ever since I saw you doing that ridiculous Molly Ringwald dance.

-Julian Baker to Brooke Davis
One Tree Hill 6x17
“You And Me And The Bottle Makes Three Tonight”

working on november 1

 

The Boss reiterated for so many times how work is important to me as a provider and to the whole country as a whole. He said that if we continue to spend half of the year taking days off because of holidays that I don't even celebrate in the first place, we as a country, are doing a big mistake and considering my responsibilities, I am making a big mistake conjointly.

For the most part, he is right. However partly, i wish he wasn't. Who doesn't want days off right? But then again, I would rather work and get paid, than do nothing at all. 

Happy holiday everyone.

please????

Little Bird by Kasey Chambers

A little bird told me late last night that if I hold my breath and do everything right, 

you might come back.

If I colour my hair and I wear it down and I make you laugh like a circus clown,  

you might come back.

And the little bird said with a wink of an eye, if I beg real hard and do not cry,  

you might come back.

If I keep my opinion under my breath and I only let it out when the master says, 

you might come back.

But I don’t, want you that bad. No I don’t, want you that bad.

Well the little bird told me as plain as day that if I change my name and change my way, 

you might come back.

If I sold my soul for the greater cause, if I burn my records and listen to yours,  

you might come back.

And the little bird said in the middle of a dream, that if I shut my mouth and don’t make a scene,  

you might come back.

If I cross my fingers and curl my toes, if I look like all the other girls, everybody knows, 

you might come back.

But I don’t, want you that bad. No I don’t want you that bad.

two years ago..

 

two year ago, things were hard for me. i had suffered depression for months and with people around me didn't seem to help. i was out of college and unemployed. i had to depend on my brothers who I know are having a hard time themselves. i was an instant burden to bear actually. i would spend my time watching TV and spend my night staring at the ceiling. sleep and i were having issues as well during these times. for people who didn't know I had to leave my hometown and live with my brothers which somehow brought me to this situation. i have always loved it there and i have no plans in leaving. but i had to. i avoided my phone. i avoided the computer. i avoided everyone. in this new home, i had no friends. hell i don't go outside. i was just there. just there...

what do you think?

it's you

And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you never gave up hope.

Love The Way You Lie (Joseph Vincent) (Eminem ft. Rihanna) Cover

[Joseph Vincent]

Always thought you and I were perfect

I could tell you from the start

Thought you were gonna be my man, but then you left tore me apart

And now you're gone

You ain't by my side, got me askin' questions

Cause everything we were was all a lie

When were you gonna tell me

oh how you feel

Why you gotta wait so long to tell me it was all unreal

[Me]

Everyday I sat by just waiting,

For you to come back home

But then i saw you with a girl

Broke my heart, and left me cold

Seems so unreal,

Can't grasp this thought, couldn't sleep at all last night

Cause just realized it was all a lie

When were you gonna tell me

Just how you feel

Left me for someone else and here i am caught up in tears

being less than more than friends.

Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that. It’s a lie. It’s just something that people say they’ll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, said ‘friendly’ relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it’s like breaking up all over again. But messier.

My Life As It Is

 

The romantics would call this a love story, the cynics would call it a tragedy. In my mind it’s a little bit of both, and no matter how you choose to view it in the end, it does not change the fact that it involves a great deal of my life and the path I’ve chosen to follow.

How did you end up?

Funny how many times we started sentences with “When I grow up..” when we were little, only to grow up into people we never really thought of becoming at all.

Life does that—turns us into people we never even thought we’d end up as.
Guess we won’t grow up as princes and princesses after all. We only end up as plain men and women who continually try to make a difference in this world.

 

“I love how you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something. There’s not a day when I don’t miss those rude interruptions.” 

—	Last Kiss, Taylor Swift

Once In A Lifetime by Freestyle

Been thinkin bout ya baby
And I dont know what to do
All I think about is you
Seems everything around me
Things I've never understood
They all make sense when I'm with you.

Oh, I've heard it all before
Finding so called love then you leave it behind
But now I feel so sure
I listen to my heart this time
(So I lay it on the line/ put my heart before my mind//

I know that what I've found is once in a lifetime
(and) I know there's no way out
Coz its once in a lifetime

I've always been so lonely
No one there for me to hold
And every night was just so cold
Oh don't get me wrong i've been around
But i've resigned myself to thinking
Mine is just another story often told

It's not like im runnin' outta
I'm takin' everything in stride
It's just i never thought i'd find
what would make me change my mind

Be better.

It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change, when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and you want to move on, but you’re stuck right where you started. When feeling’s come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say, but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them further and further away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be, and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same again. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

Fulfillment

"When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on—series polygamy—until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter."

THIS

 

A man for some reason do not get this.

Undo

 

 We are all unkind from time to time. We all do things we desperately wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it’s like chasing clouds."

To: My Number One Fan

The time I told you about updating this blog, I know like me you too, were very excited. You have always read everything I post online. You have always been very supportive and for that, among others, I love you.

We have been together for almost seven (7) months already and so far, no arguments have affected us in anyway. I know there were times when both of us were being stubborn only because one wants the other to remind that we are fighting for a love we deserve. You had me at my worst, and you still see me impressively beautiful. You had me at the ugliest face I can ever show and yet, I remain to be your number one crush.

Everything happened fast, not to mention very convenient for you. We might have rushed things. We might have overreacted. We thought for a second may be we were just lonely and bored and we enjoyed each other's presence. However above and over these things, we know we felt love for one another. A love we want. A love we dreamed of. And we both gave in six (6) months ago... and i know i made the right decision to let you in despite it all.

These past few weeks, people became a problem for us, to you most especially. You were jealous and thought I was giving in. You distrusted me. and at some point considered me flirt. I understand that maybe at a man's point of view, I was flirting but truly I was just being friendly. However, no matter how hard I explained, still it remained as a problem. 

I love you so screw them. I'd rather have no friends than not having you at all. Someone reminded me not to give you everything and reserve something for myself like a backbone. I tried just in case, but I can't. You were everything. I tell you everything. I do everything you want.

Last night before retiring to bed, you asked me how much of my love is left? I don't know exactly. What I do know, is the love I felt from that first day is the same love i am feeling as I speak. I love you. and I shall see you soon.

Eventually, you'll forget it all..

First, you forget everything you learned - the dates of wars and Pythagorean theorem. You especially forget everything you didn’t really learn, but just memorized the night before. You forget the names of all but one or two of your favorite teachers; and eventually you forget those, too.

You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit, and your best friend’s home phone number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times.

And eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations - even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away. You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not. Who went to a good college, who threw the best parties, who had the most friends - you forget all of them.

Even the ones you said you loved, and the ones you actually did. They’re the last to go. And once you’ve forgotten enough, you love someone else.

come to think of it.

No one ever marries their first love anymore. There is just too much else to do. Too many options. Always looking for the next best thing, when it is usually the first best thing that was the best thing all along.