That night was special. not because it was our first time but because somehow, i am falling in love again after being being with you for a long time. this was the night when we do not need to go else where to have a good time. just right beside each other. and i know you felt it too because i can see you smiling all the time. we played chess, and wrestle all through the night that we didn't care if we were so loud. 

You fell asleep, and I watched silently living up that line from a song we we used to sing together :

I could stay lost in this moment, forever, where every moment spent with you is the moment I treasure.

 

You gradually get over the pain. It doesn't go away, not for a long time, but it becomes easier to live with. One morning you wake up and he's not the first thing on your mind. And then a few months down the line you realize you've made it through half the day without thinking of him. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes, years, but eventually you reach a point when you only think about them occassionally. You manage to do this because you don't see them, you don't hear about them, you try not to think about them. And then you bump into them walking down the street, or someone unexpected mentions their name . . . and the memories come flooding back. But memories also become less painful in time, and I can talk about Simon now without really feeling anything. But I'd rather now. If you know what I mean.

 

But it's so frustrating because I broke up with him 'cause I was sick of crying everyday, and fighting, like I didn't wanna cry anymore...but now I'm crying because he's not here to make me stop. 

Even if you think the flame has died, there’s at least one lyric that’ll hit that last hot spot, and then you’ll find yourself as f*ed as you were the day you lied and said you never wanted to see her again.

 

I  was nothing more than your favorite soundtrack. I was played ‘til I  skipped and scratched on nearly ever track. You pulled me out whenever  you needed something for a party or when life hurt you a little too  much. Well, I’m touched, but I’d rather be more than background music.

 Leaving was easy. It was everything else that was so damn hard. 

-Sarah Dessen, Lock and Key

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.

 

 

We are more interested in making others believe we are happy than in trying to be happy ourselves.

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes, you can hope and wish for something to happen, when all of a sudden; one day, your wish is staring you right in the face and you realize, maybe its not what you really wanted after all.

 

 

 

To the ones who cared and who were there from the start, to the love that left and took a piece of my heart, to the few who’d swear, “I’d never go anywhere”, where are you now?

 

 

 

Feelings never do make sense. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours before they drop you right back where you started.

 

 

 

And at this point, I’d just settle for friendship. Or maybe a single hello, one of the ten times we pass each other during the day. It’s not like you don’t know me.

 

 

There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn’t expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some loves that don’t go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky enough to end up with somebody who has a little of that insanity. Someone who never lets go. Someone who cherishes you forever.

 

 

 

 

Because in every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can’t sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can’t keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return.

 

i wanna get married already. :( not now. i'm kinda not happy with the way he's acting today.

Barefoot or first thing in the morning, I feel beautiful.I didn’t always feel that way, but I feel that way now. When somebody just loves you, and when you make somebody else happy, when your presence seems to make them happy, you suddenly feel like the most beautiful person in the world.

What did it feel like, I wondered, to love someone that much? So much that you couldn't even control yourself when they came close, as if you might just break free of whatever was holding you and throw yourself at them with enough force to easily overwhelm you both. -Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby

 

There are so many people reading these words now that if you put your hand against the screen, I can promise you, no matter what time it is, no matter where you are, someone else who feels the same is doing it too.

 

 

story of your life

Every girl is going to love a guy who will never love them back and as she sits there crying because he will never want her, she doesn’t realize that across tow there’s a boy thinking of her. A boy who would give anything to see her smile, make her laugh or kiss her in the rain. A boy who would never make her cry because he doesn’t want her. But she will forever be chasing the boy who will never love her, instead of giving her heart to the one who deserves it.

 

 

 

No person has the right to condemn you on how you repair your heart because no one knows how much you’re hurting.

 

 

 

He’s the guy that I so desperately try to push out of my head while at the same time cling to our memories with all my might. He’s the guy that I hate because I love him and I love him because I hate him. He’s the guy that no matter what he does to himself or to me, I’ll always love him. I knew him really well at one point, then he got lost, I tried finding him, but realized he’s got to find his own way back. Back to me? Maybe. I keep hoping that this will be my romantic love story, happy ending and all. But sadly I’m preparing myself, my heart, for yet another disappointment.

At some point, you’ve got to just jump. You’ve got to quit being scared of the “maybes” and “what-ifs”. Quit cheating yourself out of the best thing that could ever happen to you. Quit cheating him of the same. Fall hard, fall long, and fall forever.

 

I’m in one of those moods that nothing is really wrong in my life, but my brain keeps on insisting that there is.. Or maybe it’s my heart that’s doing the insisting?! I can’t really tell.. You know that feeling?

 

 

As hard as it was to move on, I think I’m finally okay with how we are. At some point, we both wish we didn’t ignore each other like that. I’ll be forgiving you, just like you were forgiving me. People make mistakes, second chances are okay. It’s like a weight has just been lifted, I can finally breathe and not worry about what he will say, or when he would’ve finally stopped ignoring me. Because now I no longer care.

 

 

 And its true, there’s a lesson to everything if you look for it. There’s a reason you’re going through this, and if you pay attention, you’ll never have to feel this way again.

Tonight, just sitting across from you, saying nothing.. you looking at me and me looking at you. For the first time in awhile I could tell you knew I was thinking about you and I knew you didn't mind. 

And when I said 'I missed you' I didn't expect for you to say it back, because I knew you hadn't. I just wanted to let you know that I had. 

 

He can be so nice, then so mean. He can care and protect, make you laugh, and at the same time play games with your head. And after he's done with that, he'll tear your heart out, rip it into the smallest fragments known to man and leave it on the floor, while all you can do is stand there, not being able to cry because you're so numb, because you thought that there was something there, when really there was nothing but a wayward boy out to break a poor girls fragile heart, because he didn’t know what he wanted.

I sat there and stared at you. I just couldn't understand how such an amazing person could be in my life. And then all of a sudden I got extremely scared. You kissed me, and told me not to worry, there was no way you'd ever leave me. I felt a sense of comfort. I believed you. That is, until you left.

I could be crying for countless number of reasons, but I’m smiling cause of one; you.

I’ve had a lot done to me, especially my heart, but the one thing I can say is that I’ve never felt the real deep feeling of having someone you once loved, love someone else. I wish I never knew how it felt either.

We all have that boy; he’s the boy we try to pretend we aren’t looking for as we make our way to class. He’s the boy that we lie about and claim to not care about anymore. He’s the boy that gives you the cliche butterflies, complete with the weakness in the knees. He’s the boy we’re thinking about as we read this. I think every single girl has this boy, and every single girl will remember him forever- he’s not the one for us, but he’ll always be somewhere in our hearts.

 

You want to know what it’s like to be in love with you? It’s like taking me to the top of the highest mountain, showing me the entire world, and telling me, “This is everything you can’t have.

 

 

Someone mentioned you to me today. Asked me whatever happened between us. I instantly thought “that’s what I’ve been wondering since the day he left.

Remember when you were love sick. You block out everyone. You feel so tired, because you haven’t slept in forever. 

You know that he’ll be in your dreams, but you don’t want to stay awake laying in your bed crying either. 

You’re starving, but you can’t eat because you’re starving for him and every memory just leaves you a bigger hole in your heart. 

Even your clothes remind you of him what you wore when you hung out. You can still smell him all over them, even though his scent hasn’t been there for long. 

You wish his scent would be stuck on you, but you know you’d be pulling at your skin trying to get him off you. 

You’re online, he signs on, and you want to yell at him to go away, but you just watch the screen waiting for him to say anything, but then he signs off, and you tear yourself apart for not saying anything to him. 

You stop talking to your friends, and they get worried and try comforting you, but they just make you feel worse because they think they know, but they don’t. 

They don’t have a damn clue.

 

As I listened to your old voice mails, I heard you whisper to me how you loved me so much and wanted to hold me in your arms as long as you could. And I wondered to myself, How can someone say all of that and then take it back like it never happened?

 Now i know how often you read this blog.. this is for you, hun. :)

What’s different about us is that we’re friends. Well, maybe we’re not just friends. But the base of all we know is friendship. He may think I’m beautiful, but he’ll still tease me about how he has to look down to see me. And we may cuddle up and watch movies, but we’ll still laugh and make jokes about every line. We may hold hands, but we also get into fake fights that I know he lets me win every time. He gets mad when I don’t think highly of myself, and I get mad when he won’t tell me what’s wrong. We know more about each other than anyone. and maybe that’s the thing that makes it so perfect, that he’s not just the friend or the lover, but he’s the missing piece to my puzzle.

 

It’s an interesting feeling to scroll through all the numbers in your phone and realize that there is no one who will understand.

There are those hearts that never mend again once they are broken. Or if they do mend, they heal themselves in a crooked and lopsided way, as if sewn together by a careless craftsman.

nobody wants to admit to this, but bad things will keep on happening. maybe that's because it's all a chain, and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing, and that led someone else to do another bad thing, and so on. you know, like that game where you whisper and sentence into someone's ear and that person whispers it to someone else, and it all comes out wrong in the end. but then again, maybe bad  things happen because it's the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like.

 

People don't change;
they just find new ways of lying to you.

They still want each other; they still need each other more than anything in the world. They're just taking a long time to figure it all out.

 

 My heart didn’t break into a thousand pieces after he left. Instead, I realized everything he didn’t do. He didn’t want to hear my stories. He didn’t ask questions. He didn’t smile when I talked to him. He didn’t hug me out of the blue to make me feel good. His hugs were always preamble to something else and after he was gone I began to wonder if he ever really knew me at all.

Her life was beginning to make sense again although she could not admit that she was enjoying it. Her mind was clear and her heart was not constantly as heavy. Only when she thought about him. She knew she would survive it. Eventually the heart repairs.

 

"When I was little, I thought that heaven was a gigantic library where you could look up all the things that puzzled people while alive."

I know that things between us are pretty much beyond repair right now. And I wouldn't ever presume to try and make everything better with a conversation, so that's not what this is -- but I just wanted to tell you, I wanted to say ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain it caused you. But mostly I'm sorry for my part in it. But mostly I'm sorry because I miss our friendship. And however far off it may be, I look forward to the day that we can be friends again

You wanna know what the truth is? I still love you and I probably will love you for a very long time. But I can't just be your buddy, because as much as i enjoy the concept of being "just friends" in reality it's a bizarre form of torture and i'm just not willing to participate in it. so right now what i wanna do is just move on and get over you and the only way for me to do that is to not be around you anymore.